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Gift Guide For Chronic Pain — UPDATED FOR 2021!

by Janet Jay December 14, 2021
written by Janet Jay
On a background of stars text reads "Gift guide for chronic pain: updated for 2021, janetjay.com"

Christmas is coming! (And my birthday too… just sayin’) and that’s got me thinking about all the little gadgets I continually recommend to my friends. Some of this stuff took me 20 years to learn about (theracane, where were you all my life?!) and some are old standbys that can help a surprising amount. Here’s a gift guide for chronic pain patients full of guaranteed wins– mostly items I currently own and use myself. (Of course, if you have chronic pain yourself and this stuff sounds rad, I say treat yo’self.)

Full disclosure: I am posting these options with Amazon affiliate links, because why not, though if you have a local business you can buy from I very much recommend and prefer you go there instead. I’ll also just leave the link to my Patron here, just in case anybody would like to buy me a cup of coffee.

NEXT UP: Updated gift guide for chronic pain patients in the hellyear 2021!

Standing Strong

 For me, standing is one of the most difficult, painful things there is. For instance, cooking is really hard for me, given the amount of standing it requires. But once I got a gel anti-fatigue mat, it made the process easier. And it doesn’t have to be cooking of course: does the person you’re shopping for stand up to do stretches and PT while they watch tv? Do they have a standing desk of some sort? Whatever it is, grab one of these mats. They’re not all black and ugly, either (though of course, some companies had to cock that up).

View from behind of an african american man sitting at a desk on a yoga ball seat, stretching his arms
There are a ton of slightly different varieties of these yoga ball seats… if you have one you love, let me know!

Desk the halls (sorry, sorry)

Speaking of desks… almost everybody can benefit from making their workspace more ergonomic, especially for people who found themselves suddenly thrown into working from home last year.

(What makes a desk ergonomic? Here’s some great info from the Mayo Clinic and a super simple piece from the NHS called “How to Sit At Your Desk Correctly”.)

A good, supportive desk chair is the biggest thing, but I don’t know enough about the options to recommend anything. Luckily, there are tons of other cheaper options that can help too.

  • Yoga ball for sitting and stretching
  • I’ve always wanted to try one of these yoga ball seats, too
  • Ergonomic wrist and mousepad (there are a hundred different versions of these, of course)
  • Laptop stand for your desk to get it up to eye level
  • A good, ergonomic lumbar support cushion (this is another item where there are a thousand slightly different versions)
  • If your desk is like mine,a keyboard on top is too high to be ergonomic. Grab a little add-on keyboard tray and bring it down to your level.

What do you use to make your desk more ergonomic?

Vibrate at your own frequency

I love my little (well, bigish) back massager. To get it out of the way first: yeah, you can use it for, uh, “me time.” But for someone in chronic pain, that’s just one of a number of helpful uses (…and an ENTIRELY different type of blog post). Obviously they are good for tight muscles, but I also use mine on my temples, scalp and occipital bulge (the bumps where your neck attaches to your skull) during the worst of my migraines.

There are tons of different models with different variations: these hardcore Theraguns, which I’ve never tried but have a friend who swears by. The best hardcore “personal massager” brand is the Hitachi Magic Wand, which is strong enough that it has therapeutic uses outside of getting off.

I personally have this off-brand massager, but I really like that you can change out the “business end” (wow, there’s no way to say that without sounding gross)… anyway, like you see in the pic to the right, it’s got all these different heads on it that you can switch out depending on what you’re using it for. (I wish I could embed this video of it, as it’s a damn party groove.)

Heat it up

Back buddy heating pad

All heating pads are not created equal: so-called “moist heat” is a lot more effective for pain than the dry heat of an electric blanket or something. Bed Buddy is a brand of heat pack filled with organic materials that you throw in the microwave for a couple of minutes. In my experience, they last for years and are massively helpful for sore, tight muscles. They even offer them with built-in aromatherapy, if that’s your jam. 

Stretch it out

Woman helping man stretch using resistance bands

There are all sorts of exercises you can do with resistance bands— if you’ve done physical therapy recently, they may have sent you home with some. But if nothing else, they’re fantastic for stretching. That’s why I recommend everybody have at least one resistance band– when you’re feeling stiff, it really helps you stretch out tight muscles. 

vive calf stretcher
Vive Calf Stretcher

The last time I went to physical therapy they had this little plastic thing called a foot rocker that made stretching tight calf and leg muscles SO easy that I went home and immediately bought one for myself.

It also came with a spiky ball that is absolutely perfect for working out knots in your feet– when my plantar fasciitis is bugging me, this is the first thing I grab. (It also includes an app, which I didn’t know about until three seconds ago when I went looking for that link.)

Grab it

the HMS Grabber reacher being used by a person in a wheelchair to pick up keys
The Grabber in use

A couple of years ago my L5-S1 herniated and i was taken to the hospital screaming, and eventually underwent an emergency laminectomy. I was sent home with a corset brace that supported my back but didn’t let me bend over (not like I would have been able to bend over without it, because of the pain). As goofy as it looks, a little grabbermajig like this turned out to be incredibly helpful.

Every little bit of independence is worth it. This article, “Three Things To Consider Before Buying A Grabbing Tool,” goes through different options that specialize in long reach, firm grasp or great value. I ended up buying a “featherweight” model that did everything I needed it to.

For a fancier model with a rotating head and a bunch of other options, take a gander at this demonstration video for the RMS Grabber Reacher — the grabber is illustrated with CGI and there’s an inspiring soundtrack that swells like the moment in a Disney movie where the hero triumphantly decides to fight on the side of good or whatever.

Step it up

stepper
Woman uses stepper

Getting regular exercise can be incredibly difficult with chronic pain– no matter how much you rationally know it will help in the long term, when you’re just struggling to get through the day it can be hard to force yourself to do something that’s only going to make you feel worse in the short term. (Damn you, pain cycle!) I live in Texas, land of “nine months of summer per year,” and if it’s hard to exercise regularly, it’s way harder when it’s 100 degrees outside by 11 am.

Enter the stepper! I like to hop on it while watching something and zone out. I have the model on the left, which has stretchy resistance bands you can use with your arms, but you can also get a version that has a handle if you’re more concerned about ergonomics or need extra support. (Of course you could buy a stairmaster or a treadmill, if that’s your price point, but until I got this as a gift I had no idea that $50-$100 could buy me something that’s just as good).

Mobilize it (& work on that chi)

man lying down uses chi machine

I hate the name of these things–“chi machines”– because I feel like whatever it does for your “chi” is a lot less important than what it does for your muscles and joint mobility. You lie on the ground, put your feet in the little foot slots, and then turn it on so that it’s gently moving your legs from side to side with a swimming or wavelike motion. Note: START SLOW! This is one of those electronics where there are some really crappy knockoffs out there. The bare minimum you need is that your chi machine has a speed controller, and has soft footrests instead of hard plastic. This is the exact model I own and it’s served me well for…. eight years? Dang.

Massage it yourself

Man uses orange thera cane

For real y’all: get yourself a dang Thera cane. I’m legitimately sad that I didn’t hear about these amazing things until just a couple of years ago. A Thera cane is a plastic doohickey (technical term) that looks like the kind of old-timey exaggerated cane that would be used in a cartoon to pull someone offstage when they’re bombing in front of a crowd.

You can use it to massage out knots anywhere on your entire body, by yourself, no matter where it is. As someone who lives alone it’s absolutely invaluable for those can’t-reach knots in my shoulders.

Pro tip: you can put Icy Hot, essential oils or whatever you want on the knobs too! Seriously, the basic model and one that comes apart for ease of transport are both under $30. I just have a basic blue one and it has been a huge help to me; I can’t recommend this gift enough.

Prop it up with a lap desk

Lap desk with pillow & wrist cushions, used by someone reading book

Lap desks are important for anyone who spends a lot of time in bed or on the couch with their computer. It serves a number of purposes: it keeps your computer stable as you shift around under it, it raises it up and tilts to make the whole process more ergonomic (I particularly like models that also have a wrist cushion, like this one).

Another similar option is what’s called a lap table or bed table. It’s like a lap desk with legs; it reminds me of those trays that you see people on TV serving breakfast in bed on. Most lap desks have foldable legs that allow it to transform into a more normal lap desk, though without the cushioned bottom. There’s a huge range of options, from the most simple— a horizontal surface with folding legs– to the extremely complex, with cool materials, adjustable angles, integrated fans, and a hundred other little cool tweaks.

Soak it

shea butter moisturizing epsom salt

Three words: epsom salt baths. Epsom salt baths are a type of complementary medicine that actually works for me, and I know other people who swear by it (I recommend this stuff so often that the people in my chronic pain group are probably sick of hearing about it.). If you have super tight muscles and achy joints, it can really make a difference. On one hand, I have found a ton of personal relief from epsom salt baths and have had medical professionals explain how they work… on the other hand, I just this minute discovered that there’s not a ton of evidence actually supporting its efficacy for pain relief.

All I can say is that I can personally tell a noticeable difference in how I feel getting out of a regular bath vs an epsom salt bath, but take my opinion with a grain of [epsom] salt (sorry, sorry, i’m trying to delete it). Anyway, regular epsom salt does the trick, but you can also buy versions scented with lavender, eucalyptus, and other calming scents, a special moisturizing formula with shea butter, and more.

What other stuff should I include on next year’s gift guide for chronic pain?

I know I’m almost certainly forgetting nine million great doohickeys, thingamajigs and whatchamacallits. Leave a comment or give me a shout on social media and tell me what I need to add to the gift guide for next year!

December 14, 2021 0 comment
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chronic painChronic pain IconsDisability in MediaPersonal experienceStuff (physical items)

Chronic Pain Icons: How Selma Blair and Her Cool Canes Support Me Too

by Janet Jay August 29, 2021
written by Janet Jay
Silhouette of woman with cane and arm in the air, text: I am disabled. i fall sometimes. I drop things. My memory is foggy. And my left side is asking for directions from a broken GPS. But we are doing it. And I laugh and I don't know exactly what I will do precisely but I will do my best. Selma Blair, janetjay.com"

How Selma Blair and Her Cool Canes Support Me Too

Let’s talk about representation,  something that has always seemed like it… wasn’t for me.  I’m a white, upper-middle-class kid from the suburbs, and none of my issues are immediately visible. I have an assortment of mental health problems and ADHD and you can’t see that either (well, except for all the fidgeting and doodling). My physical disabilities– fibromyalgia, migraines, a fucked up spine, a sprinkling of CPRS– are usually invisible, except when the pain forces me to use a cane or a wheelchair.

While I celebrate the idea of people wanting to see themselves represented in the world around them, to be able to get Share-a-Smile Becky’s wheelchair inside the damn Barbie Dream House, it’s just never felt like it applied to me. Representation for my invisible pain would be, um, an action figure lying in the corner of a music venue, using her purse for a pillow, trying to last to the end of a set. That’s not a fun playscape. Not a lot of smiles to share there.

Representation for my invisible pain would be, um, an action figure lying in the corner of a music venue, using her purse for a pillow, trying to last to the end of a set. That’s not a fun playscape. Not a lot of smiles to share there.

I don’t keep up with fashion and celeb culture and red carpet anything. I don’t have cable television and I literally can’t even tell you the last award show or red carpet I watched. It’s just not a part of my life. But when i saw a picture of Selma Blair on the red carpet of a 2019 Oscars party wearing this absolutely stunning, silky, floaty, flowy gown and a badass cane, it absolutely blew me away.  

Blair posted, “When my life flashes before my eyes, I want this portrait by @markseliger to be front and center.”

Staying Sexy: Cool Canes Edition

Selma Blair stands in 3/4 profile wearing a black one-piece bathing suit and holding a black cane with a tan handle

The cane didn’t distract from the outfit: the cane fucking MADE the outfit. She rocked it head to toe– and as somebody who really struggles with staying sexy and staying myself past whatever mobility aids I may have it was so inspirational.

In my experience mobility aids desexualize you. I can walk around as a moderately attractive person and see people check me out or flirt with me… but put that butt in a wheelchair and any potential interest just evaporates. Which is one reason I’m truly thrilled to see her embracing the cane as an accessory that can be sexy. (Or not, as you choose, just like everything else.) As Blair said, canes should “fit right and look cool… It can still be chic. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice style.”

B&W photo of Selma Blair wearing a black suit, white shirt and black tie, and black cane
Image by Cass Bird for Vanity Fair

Getting Personalized Support

Blair ended up walking the red carpet at the 2019 Oscars with a badass patent-leather cane, monogrammed and featuring a pink diamond. “I have met so many people on Instagram who have said that they were always ashamed of their cane,” said Blair. “You want to still be part of the living, not a shuffling person people get out of the way for because they’re queasy. A cane, I think, can be a great fashion accessory.”

There are a ton of cool canes on the market (and so many other awesome products that make life with a disability easier). But there’s a lot of ugly, cheap crap too. It takes people like Blair being loud and proud about their use of and need for awesome canes to help convince businesses that there’s a market for them. Not all of us have designer friends who will monogram our canes for us! But we still want to look awesome going out on the town.

Limping towards acceptance

So thanks, Selma, and keep on kicking ass. We need more examples of head-to-toe outfits where a cane is a plus rather than a minus. She didn’t plan to be here, like all of us, but she has tackled her challenges with grace and drive. By being open about her diagnosis and struggle, she has done an incredible service to those of us with invisible disabilities.

Sometimes the best support is seeing the details of someone else’s fight. Cane or not, we all need someone to lean on. Blair’s story may help prop you up during a bad time! I’ll stop using cane puns, but in all seriousness: Blair’s story is deeply inspiring, and I am truly grateful that she has chosen to publicly share such a personal journey. I’ll close with a quote that I find really inspiring:

In researching this post, I discovered that Blair has filmed a documentary about her struggles, titled “Introducing Selma Blair.” I can’t wait to see it! Here’s more info about it; Blair also recently posted on Instagram to introduce the project. Do you like disability-related documentaries? Check out my post on Murderball and how it changed how I thought about so many things.

August 29, 2021 0 comment
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chronic painPersonal experienceRecommendationsStuff (physical items)Uncategorized

So Much More Than a Headache: What’s Your Migraine Routine?

by Janet Jay July 1, 2021
written by Janet Jay
So much more than a headache: what's your migraine routine? janetjay.com
Turquoise background with clip art of a head with a brain with an arrow pointing to the brain, text: "So much more than a headache, what's your migraine routine, janetjay.com"

I have been coping with chronic migraine disease since my teens. But now that I’ve got a migraine routine down, it makes the whole situation a little bit more manageable. Here’s what a day with a migraine looks like for me and how I deal with it.

When I have a migraine, the people who know and love me can tell just by looking at my eyes (occasionally even before I’ve realized it!). I can see it too: I slow down. I squint a little..You can just see in my face how much extra effort I’m having to put in just to do the most basic stuff.  That’s only one of the reasons you want to get your migraine routine down pat before the worst hits.

Partners of people with migraines: ask them how you can help and listen to what they say! It could be as simple as a soda, a neck massage, heating up a heating pad for them, or just a couple of hours of golden silence. But you’ll never know until you ask. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s go through my migraine routine.

Yellow art of torso with folded arms and exploding head. Keith Haring, Untitled, 1983
Keith Haring, Untitled, 1983

The pain is coming! Lock down your migraine routine before it hits.

Sometimes I wake up with it lurking, sometimes it creeps up on me in the early afternoon. Always, there’s a moment of recognition. I realize the light is hurting my eyes, or my thoughts are fuzzy, or I’ve been rubbing my forehead for 20 minutes without realizing it.

I immediately go take my abortive. The Maxalt will make me a little fuzzy and logy but also might be able to head the worst of the pain off at the pass. (Maybe.)

A migraine hurts in a specific way that’s so different than any other headache. It lives behind my eyes and forehead. It makes the skin on my head and neck incredibly sensitive to the touch and achy. In fact I’ve used a giant back massager thing on my temples and occipital bulge (the bumps on the back of my head) so much that the next day I woke up with near-bruises. But when it’s one of the only things that gives momentary relief, what are you gonna do?

Don’t forget to gather your migraine routine thingamajigs

I wish I had someone to rub my head and neck for me, but until then, I love my damn Theracane so much (my gift guide for chronic pain post goes into more detail about why). A dear departed friend made me a special concoction of oils I use, but it works similarly to products like Biofreeze or Icy Hot. Might be worth trying next time you’re in this spot.

I also just bought a goofy thing on a whim called a “jade facial roller and gua sha scraperi” which is supposedly supposed to fight wrinkles… somehow, idk, but I’m finding it surprisingly useful for headache times. It’s basically just the difference between “rubbing at my head with my knuckle or whatever’s handy” and “rubbing at my head with a piece of stone shaped to fit my face,” but it really does feel good on very sensitive migraine skin. For something you can get for $5 it may be worth checking out when you see one on sale.

Want more ideas for stuff that’ll make your life easier? Check out my newly updated gift guide for chronic pain! (And then shout at me on social media to tell me what I forgot to include.)

Vintage comic frame of red-headed woman on beach, crying and touching her forehead, thought bubble reading "this horrible feeling inside me!"

It’s here! Get that routine rolling

I try to find something with caffeine in it, usually a soda with some sugar in it as well, as that seems to help for whatever reason. I also take a hardcore muscle relaxant, as sometimes my always-too-tense muscles are a contributing cause and I have the tolerance of an elephant. It has the very nice side effect of also making me sleepy. If I can manage to fall asleep for a few hours, a lot of times I can kick the migraine. Don’t know why, but a nap is way more likely to kick it than the same two hours spent just resting on the couch. 

Migraines Through Rose-Colored Glasses (Not A Metaphor)

Lights go off, and on go the special migraine glasses I got in a swag bag at a migraine conference I went a couple of years ago called RetreatMigraine. They’re not cheap (though there is a money-back guarantee so you can see if they help) but they truly do make it so the light doesn’t hurt my eyes nearly as much– plus, I get to make “rose-colored glasses” jokes. I don’t know how, but I’ll embrace anything that helps me avoid that stabbing pain during a migraine. (I just bought new everyday glasses and noticed that other brands like Warby Parker and Zenni also offer lenses that block certain types of light, so depending on your particular issues & price point, that could be a better option to try.)

In a weird twist, marijuana is guaranteed to make my migraines worse. It helps just about every other aspect of chronic pain I’m dealing with! (I mean, that my friend is dealing with, as my… friend… and I live in Texas where it’s still entirely illegal, even for medical patients.) But one thing that can alert me them to a developing migraine is if I they smoke a bowl and feel worse. Bodies: they’re super weird! Some people certainly do benefit from cannabis for migraines.

At the end of the day, the whole migraine experience is a giant “throw treatments and recommendations at the wall and see what sticks” situation. Nobody can tell you what will make things better or worse for you. All I can do is tell you what I’ve learned about myself, and how.

This is my hurting-too-bad-to-put-on-makeup ‘as cute as I can be with a migraine’ shot. It’s not a good look.

Migraine Braine

After all that I’ve got brain fog from the migraine, fuzziness from the Maxalt, and a muscle relaxant hopefully kicking my ass in a helpful way. What do I do? Cancel plans, sit in the dark, and watch something on TV that doesn’t require much mental effort.

Even if I can manage to force myself to do something, I’m working at a third the speed and a quarter the mental comprehension as normal. It’s hard to explain Migraine Braine but “fuzzy,” “spacey,” “logy” do an OK job.

So Much More Than A Headache

It’s not just a headache: brain fog is real and can affect you before, during, or after a migraine. It’s hard to concentrate, hard to remember things, hard to focus, hard to really force yourself to do anything when you’re in that position.

Paying the Next Day

The day after a migraine is always rough, trying to force your brain to focus and move at normal speed when it’s the last thing you want to do. Even though words are kind of my thing, I’m coming up empty trying to describe brain fog. It’s both like and unlike so many other things.

It’s not like what your brain feels like the afternoon after staying up all night, but sorta. It doesn’t feel like being forgetful and scatterbrained, though that’s part of it. It’s kind of like everything is twice as far away from you as it should be, metaphorically, so anything you do requires an extra step. Does that make sense? Sorta? It’s the best I’ve got right now.

Somebody out there must have figured out a better way to describe this! Please comment below or shout at me on social media. How you would describe the brain fog of a migraine?

Connecting with others with chronic migraine

Attending a migraine retreat really pulled into focus for me how many people truly are debilitated by migraines, not just when they have them but in having to rearrange everything around the possibility of an attack. Some people have migraine the majority of the time; some people spend most of their lives in a dark room. I go through cycles of migraines (i wish I knew why!) where I’ll have them two or three times a week for a month or two and then it’ll subside for a while. I’ll only get one a month for a while, and then it’ll come back again, with no warning, rhyme or reason that I can come up with. I’m lucky to have a job that understands and accommodates that, because many don’t.

Migraine disease can change your entire life, but it doesn’t have to ruin it: over the last few years I’ve written multiple profiles on people with chronic migraine who are still able to live and achieve their dreams despite and through migraine disease.

My migraine routine is nothing special, it’s just how I do it. I’d love to hear what other people do when they feel one lurking in the back of their skull about to break through, or how the hell you’d put into words what ‘brain fog’ feels like. What migraine routine have YOU come up with to help you through these miserable periods?

July 1, 2021 0 comment
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