Janet Jay
  • Personal Stories
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Janet Jay

pain: chronic / words: iconic

  • Personal Stories
  • Pain Management
  • Mental Health
  • Printables
  • About Janet Jay
  • Janet Jay’s Best Of

Personal Stories

Mental HealthPain ManagementPersonal Stories

How To: Dating With Chronic Pain or Dating With Invisible Disabilities

by Janet Jay February 12, 2023
written by Janet Jay
On a background of red and black hearts, image of two phones side by side illustrating dating, the left with a man and a heart and the right a woman with two smiley faces, looking towards each other. Text reads "dating with chronic pain and invisible disabilities, janetjay.com"
On a background of red and black hearts, image of two phones side by side illustrating dating, the left with a man and a heart and the right a woman with two smiley faces, looking towards each other. Text reads "dating with chronic pain and invisible disabilities, janetjay.com"

Dating with chronic pain is tough, especially if there’s nothing visible about your condition. Finding someone using dating dating apps like Hinge or Tinder is hard to begin with, but dating with invisible disabilities adds a whole other level of difficulty.

In some ways using those apps would be easier if I was visibly disabled and used a wheelchair or crutches. It would at least be simpler than trying to put together a profile when I’m dating with chronic pain and dating with invisible disabilities like fibromyalgia, migraine disease, back pain, joint pain, nerve pain, and mental health issues (that’s what I’m dealing with)! But it also applies to a wide range of other issues like EDS, POTS, arthritis, Crohn’s, lupus, other autoimmune disorders, and/or any disability where you look like everyone else.

Most of the time you wouldn’t know I’m in pain, even though I always am. But it hugely affects my life, and it’s important that anybody I have as a partner be aware of it and OK with it. No, actually, it’s important that anybody I have as a partner be supportive, empathetic and caring about it.

But how do you find that person through the hellscape that is modern dating apps? If you’re dating with chronic pain or dating with invisible disabilities, consider the following before writing your profile.

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February 12, 2023 8 comments
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Pain ManagementPersonal Stories

Top 15 Around-the-House Gifts For Chronic Pain Patients

by Janet Jay December 4, 2022
written by Janet Jay
on background of wrapped presents and snowflakes, text reads "top 15 gifts that help chronic pain patients around the house"
on background of wrapped presents and snowflakes, text reads "top 15 gifts that help chronic pain patients around the house"

Gifts for chronic pain patients can be so dang hard to shop for! So I’ve thought about all the discoveries and doohickeys I’ve used over the years to put together the ultimate list of the top dozen around-the-house gifts for people like me. Everyone’s limitations are different, but as someone with invisible disabilities and chronic illnesses I’ve found all of these items to be relatively inexpensive ways of making my day-to-day life easier.

Whether it’s cleaning, working, moving around, walking the dogs or just picking something up off the floor, these gifts for chronic pain patients will be used and appreciated long after the holidays have passed.

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December 4, 2022 0 comment
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Mental HealthPain ManagementPersonal Stories

Top Qs about Invisible Illnesses & Disability Pride Month

by Janet Jay July 30, 2022
written by Janet Jay
On a teal background with red shapes and a picture of two men holding a banner that reads "disability pride lead on!" Headline reads "Invisible illnesses and disability pride month: your top questions answered,janetjay .com. Photo from 2017 Disability Pride Parade and Resource Fair and the National Constitution Center and Dilworth Plaza, on Saturday, June 17, 2017. Taken by Bill. Z. Foster https://flic.kr/p/VKTGTm
On a teal background with red shapes and a picture of two men holding a banner that reads "disability pride lead on!" Headline reads "Invisible illnesses and disability pride month: your top questions answered,janetjay .com. Photo from 2017 Disability Pride Parade and Resource Fair and the National Constitution Center and Dilworth Plaza, on Saturday, June 17, 2017. Taken by Bill. Z. Foster https://flic.kr/p/VKTGTm

Invisible illnesses are tough for a lot of reasons, one of which is never quite knowing where you belong. Too many people hear “disabled” and all that comes to mind is someone in a wheelchair who is paralyzed or has a visible disease that means they’re never going to walk again. It never occurs to them that 20% of the country, 50 million Americans, have some form of chronic pain, or that invisible disabilities such as CRPS, fibromyalgia and migraine disease make up a large portion of that number. It just never crosses their minds that someone in a wheelchair may well be able to stand up and walk around, looking completely ‘normal,’ but still truly need that chair!

July is Disability Pride Month, but those of us with less visible issues can sometimes be hesitant to participate, unsure if we should use the “disabled” label or if it’s really our place. Scroll down for answers to some of the top questions people with invisible illnesses ask about disability pride, disability rights, and disability as a whole.

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July 30, 2022 1 comment
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Pain ManagementPersonal Stories

Why I Didn’t Write About Medical Cannabis On 4/20

by Janet Jay April 21, 2022
written by Janet Jay
On a white background with cannabis leaves around the bottom and right edges, text reads "Happy 4/21-- why i didn't write about medical cannabis yesterday, janetjay.com"
On a white background with cannabis leaves around the bottom and right edges, text reads "Happy 4/21-- why i didn't write about medical cannabis yesterday, janetjay.com"

Happy 4/21! I didn’t write about medical cannabis yesterday, even though I wanted to. Why? Texas, mostly.

Listen, I’m happy that my sister in Seattle can walk down the street and buy anything she wants. (Really! I am truly thrilled at the spread of legalization, not being sarcastic.). But even though I’ve been in constant joint and nerve pain since I was 15, I can’t. I’m so glad my colleague’s state has such a thriving medical cannabis program that she’s fighting over things like insurance coverage. But there is no medical cannabis program in my state whatsoever. (“Medical marijuana” with no THC doesn’t fucking count. CBD alone does zilch for some people.) This means that anyone with chronic pain who wants to use marijuana for pain relief has to chance telling their doctor about it, and possibly losing that doctor, or not telling their doctor, technically breaking their ‘pain contract,’ also potentially losing that doctor.

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April 21, 2022 1 comment
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Pain ManagementPersonal Stories

6 Qs People W/Disabilities Should Ask Before Getting a Dog

by Janet Jay April 19, 2022
written by Janet Jay
Silhouette of a person in a wheelchair about to give a treat to a dog jumping up, another dog beside him. Text reads "6 CRUCIAL QUESTIONS People with Disabilities should ponder before getting a dog, janetjay.com"
Silhouette of a person in a wheelchair about to give a treat to a dog jumping up, another dog beside him. Text reads "6 CRUCIAL QUESTIONS People with Disabilities should ponder before getting a dog, janetjay.com"

For people with disabilities, getting a dog can be a life-changing experience. In addition to company and love, caring for a dog can get you out of your own head and off the couch at times when you wouldn’t or couldn’t otherwise. Owning a dog is a great way to meet new people and a great excuse to get out in the world (we’re talking pets here, not service dogs). But that doesn’t make dog “parenting” easy, cheap, or something you should get into without fully thinking through all aspects of the choice. For disabled people, getting a dog is even more of an undertaking!

If you’ve got disabilities or chronic pain and are thinking about getting a dog, ask yourself these 6 crucial questions first:

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April 19, 2022 3 comments
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About Me

About Me

Janet Jay

Here's a lil TL;DR summary of my history with chronic pain & disability, and this is what I've gotten up to otherwise.

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Recent Posts

  • How To: Dating With Chronic Pain or Dating With Invisible Disabilities

    February 12, 2023
  • Graphic Novels About Chronic Pain: “Pain Is Really Strange”

    February 5, 2023
  • Acupuncture for Pain: Complementary Medicine That Works

    January 14, 2023
  • Best Quotes About Chronic Pain, Disability, & Mental Health

    January 2, 2023
  • Top 15 Around-the-House Gifts For Chronic Pain Patients

    December 4, 2022
  • Keeping a medical log-with free printable & spreadsheet!

    November 5, 2022
  • What Star Trek Got Wrong about Geordi’s Disabilities

    August 13, 2022
  • Top Qs about Invisible Illnesses & Disability Pride Month

    July 30, 2022

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