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    Quotes About Self Care (& Self Care Quotes About Invisible Illness)

    Cartoon of a woman at a desk stretching her arms over her head as a star flies overhead underneath the text  "best quotes about self care, self care quotes about invisible illness & chronic pain, janetjay.com"

    Quotes about self-care, especially self-care quotes about invisible illness, are hard to come by. Well, good ones at least– you can find sappy schlock everywhere. But there are also gems, little bits of wisdom that remind me to take time for myself, helping me through the chronic pain of my invisible illnesses. Click one in the gallery below or scroll down to read a few of my favorites: where they come from, why I chose them, and what they mean to me.

    All amazon links are affiliate links, because why not? But if you have a small local bookstore, I’d much rather you buy stuff there.

    • "if your heart is a volcano how shall you expect flowers to bloom in your hands? kahlil gibran, janetjay.com on a background of an erupting volcano

    “If you are gentle with yourself, you will become gentle with others.” -Thubten Yeshe

    "Treat yourself, your mind, sympathetically, ,with loving kindness. If you are gentle with yourself, you will become gentle with others." -Thubten Yeshe janetjay.com," with a line drawing of a person hugging themselves with a scribble where face & hair would be

    If you’re anything like me, you’re way too hard on yourself. I’ve always been a type-A person, and I end up kicking myself when I fail to do something.

    One thing I’ve been working on a LOT is trying not to insult myself or put myself down. I didn’t realize how often I was doing that until someone close to me started pointing it out!

    Be gentle when you speak to yourself. Give yourself the grace you would give a best friend or a family member. Remember that you’re trying, and that you’re dealing with a difficult set of challenges that most people know nothing about.

     If you are gentle with yourself, you will become gentle with others." -Thubten Yeshe janetjay.com," on a background of rocks in the sea in front of a sunrise

    “Some days, 24 hours is too much, so I take the day hour by hour, moment by moment. I break the task, the challenge, the fear into small, bite-sized pieces. I can handle a piece of fear, depression, anger, pain, sadness, loneliness, illness.” – Regina Brett

    Chronic pain and mental health struggles can feel like an elephant sitting squarely on your chest while you struggle to get everything done that needs to get done. But as the saying goes, the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. The only way out is through! And as Regina Brett describes here, the only way through is by tackling challenges bit by bit, however and whenever you can. Speaking of…

    If life is a race, those of us with chronic health issues start farther back and get stuck in the outside lane. But we can still drive fast and far, singing along to the radio and finding the joy in the process of getting there.

    ~Janet Jay

    “To be nobody-but-yourself– in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else– means to fight the hardest battle that any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.” – e.e. cummings

    Raise your hand if you find yourself comparing your life to those of the “normal” people around you! Hell, a ton of people struggle with this, disabled and not.

    If you’re not familiar with e.e. cummings, “100 Selected Poems” is a fantastic place to start. He is one of my favorite poets of all time and you owe it to yourself to see what he has to say. This quote came from a text entitled “A Poet’s Advice to Students,” published in a small Michigan newspaper a few days before the poet turned 59. (Check out the Marginalian’s take on it!)

    Of course this is more than a quote about self care, it’s an assessment of the human condition and the constant fight each of us must fight. It’s true for everyone, though those of us with disabilities have a rougher road.

    If life is a race, those of us with chronic health issues may start farther back and get stuck in the outside lane. But to lean on the metaphor, we can still drive fast and far, sing along to the radio and find joy in the process.

    “Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” -John Wooden

    "Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do." John wooden, janetjay.com, on a scrapbook-style background with paper and fabric swatches and a B&W photo of a girl holding her face

    Speaking of “fighting the daily battle to live and do as much as possible despite whatever chronic pain or mental health BS I’m dealing with”! This quote puts a target on something that’s really difficult for me.

    I was in high school when my invisible illnesses & chronic pain began, and suddenly, so many of the careers I’d considered were off the table, no matter how good I might have been at some parts of the job. That roundly sucked (and, let’s be honest, continues to!)

    At the same time, I love what I do now so damn much! And I’ve been able to do so much I dreamed about, and so much I’m proud of.

    So what good does it do me to pine for what might have been? Better to take that energy, those spoons, and put it towards a goal I can achieve. (Speaking of, need a writer, podcast guest or webinar host?) But of course, I fully admit that this is all easier said than done.

    “What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly.” – Carl Rogers

    "What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly, cark rogers, janetjay.com" on a background of blue ocean and orange sky

    This quote comes from Roger’s book “On Becoming a Person,” and it was hard to choose just one (seriously, read through some of the other quotes from it). The full text of this one reads:

    “Yet I find that when I can accept myself as I am, then I change. It is a puzzling paradox. The moment I accept myself as I am, then I can begin to be myself. We have got to learn to accept ourselves before we can begin to change. This means accepting ourselves where we are at this moment. It means accepting our assets and our liabilities, our trials and our challenges, our joys and our sorrows. What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly. What I am is good enough if I would only see it clearly. Then growth can begin – growth into tomorrow – because I have no need to distort today. I can be free to see it clearly and accept it honestly. I can see both my strengths and my weaknesses. Being what I am is good enough for growth, but so often I cannot accept the deepest thing that I am. When I can accept that, change begins.”

    – Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy

    Figure out who you are and do your best to own it. Own your problems, your triumphs, own the plateau and the grind, own your public bio and your private 2 AM pleadings to the universe. Having a disability does not make you any less “good enough.” In fact, the struggle and the lessons we learn make many of us better. Speaking of..

    “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and found their way out of the depths… Beautiful people do not just happen.” -Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

    I honestly don’t know that I have much to add to this one besides “ain’t that the truth?!” I think this is especially true when you’re young, because it feels like you’re the only one with chronic health issues. (You’re not!)

    The people I like best are those who have been through some shit and come out the other side stronger for it. There are lessons you can’t learn except through adversary, and while I’d never wish that on someone, it’s unfortunately common enough to not need to. Find the people who understand, whose grace under fire you admire, and keep them close.

    image from behind of a woman with orange pants and white shirt walking down a path and looking out over a fence at a beautiful view, text reads "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen, Elisabeth Kubler-ross, janetjay.com"

    “If your heart is a volcano how shall you expect flowers to bloom in your hands?” – Kahlil Gibran

    "if your heart is a volcano how shall you expect flowers to bloom in your hands? kahlil gibran, janetjay.com on a background of an erupting volcano

    I love Kahlil Gibran. In fact, I used one of his quotes on my previous post of inspiring quotes about invisible illness. Sand and Foam was very important to me in high school and the Prophet, his best-known work, is also fantastic.

    Chronic pain and disability advocates don’t talk enough about grief, and the anger that goes hand in hand with grief for the person we used to be, the person we could have become. Of course you feel long-simmering rage at the unfairness of it all! It is incredibly unfair. But you’re not the only one grieving the life–and the you–that might have been.

    It’s hard not to get angry at the fundamental unfairness of it all. But when you have chronic pain or invisible illnesses there’s no focus for that anger, and in the end, it will come back to bite you in the ass. “Don’t indulge your totally justified anger because in the end, you’re the one who will pay” is another one of those easier-said-than-done pieces of advice… but it’s also true.

    Bonus: as a person who can’t resist buying a lovely book, well, I can confirm that this gorgeous edition of his collected work is worth buying.

    Back view of a woman's head in front of a cityscape: "People don't often associate chronic illness with grief but the realization that life will never be what it was and the future is not wha tyou thought it would be, is a major loss. Dr. Ingela Thune-boyle, janetjay.com"
    Speaking of grieving the person you might have been! This is one of my favorites from my first page of quotes about chronic pain.

    “Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts.” – Unknown

    "your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts,", janetjay.com, with a line drawing of a man sitting against a wall, curled up, with a blank speech bubble

    Chronic pain is real. Mental health issues are real, and difficult, and painful. But the science is in: there’s a lot of evidence that the way we think about our pain affects the way we experience it. Dwelling on the worst possibilities, constantly stressed with your muscles full of knots, is not a good way to function. This is not to say that pain is in your head: just that those thoughts in your head can contribute to making that pain better or worse. So know yourself, as best you can, and avoid the stuff that gets you worked up or breaks your heart. (That goes double if you’re trying to get to sleep.)

    My pain started when I was 15 and for a very long time I was haunted by the person I might have been. But there was nothing there but pain, disappointment and frustration. Is it natural to think about? Of course. Even though I’ve now been disabled and in chronic pain for the majority of my life, it still truly saddens me to think about all the things that are permanently off the table. That’s just part of being human, to some extent. But at the same time… How does it serve me to sit and mull over how I’ll never get to skydive?

    (This quote is widely attributed to Buddha, but after doing some research, it seems there’s no evidence that it came from him. But that doesn’t change the wisdom, so I’m keepin’ it in.)

    [We] don’t talk enough about grief, and the anger that goes hand in hand with grief for the person we used to be, the person we could have become. Of course you feel long-simmering rage at the unfairness of it all! It is incredibly unfair. But you’re not the only one grieving the life–and the you–that might have been.

    ~Janet Jay

    “Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.” – Max Ehrmann

    self care quote on background of stars: "be gentle with yourself. you are a child of the univrse, no less than the trees and the satars. In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul." max ehrmann, janetjay.com

    We’ll end with an oldie but a goodie. You’ve almost certainly heard “Desiderata,” even if you don’t recognize the name: it starts with the line “Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.” It’s all good stuff, but this is the line that really hit home for me. (Are you seeing the “be kind to yourself, dammit” theme here?)

    The time you waste dwelling on what might have been is time you can’t get back. And whatever it is you can no longer do, there are still things you can. Focus on the opportunity. Focus on the joy. Reign in your mind when you feel it going to the dark place. Is all this easier said than done? 100%. But that doesn’t make it any less crucial.

    (I love the design of this book, too:)

    On a white background, a line drawing of a person climbing a mountain with stars behind
    On a white background, a line drawing of a person climbing a mountain with stars behind

    Want a print of Desiderata? I really like this one:

    That’s all for now! What’s YOUR favorite quote about self care (/ self care quote about invisible illness, chronic pain, mental health, disability, etc etc)? Leave a comment below with one you think should be included in my next pag of chronic pain quotes!

  • New Generations, Old Genes: A Guide to Family Planning with Genetic Disorders

    "Family planning with genetic disorders" and "janetjay.com" on sheets of paper in front of six polaroids of different types of families and children

    Before starting a family, make sure you understand your genetic situation and how it can affect pregnancy and your prospective child.

    Family planning can be an exciting and emotional time for any couple. However, if you have a genetic disorder, finding your soulmate isn’t enough: there are other questions to consider. From talking to your doctor about the risks of having a child to considering alternative options such as adoption or embryo screening, navigating family planning with genetic disorders can feel overwhelming. In this guest post, Melissa Howard from StopSuicide.info explores some important steps to help you make informed decisions.

    Work With Your Doctor and a Genetic Counselor

    A smiling couple sits across the table from a doctor, who has one hand on the woman's shoulder.  Photo via Adobe express.

    When considering family planning with genetic disorders, it is important to talk to your doctor about the potential risks associated with having a child. Depending on the nature of your disorder, there may be a higher risk of passing it on to your child. A genetic counselor can help you understand the risks and provide guidance on the best course of action. They can also help you determine if genetic testing is necessary.

    Find Health Insurance and Get to Know GINA

    Finding affordable health insurance is crucial, both for those with genetic disorders and their offspring. The Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act (GINA) protects individuals from discrimination by health insurance companies based on their genetic information. This means that health insurers cannot use genetic information to deny coverage, charge higher premiums, or impose pre-existing condition exclusions.

    American health insurance can feel like a complicated, frustrating maze. Click here to learn how to get an urgent refill on your medication, whatever it is. There’s even a free downloadable script to tell you exactly what to say!

    Research Treatments and Therapies

    Photo by Pavel Danilyuk: https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-in-white-long-sleeve-shirt-holding-white-paper-7654585/

    Family planning with genetic disorders makes it crucial to research available treatments and therapies. For example, in vitro fertilization (IVF) with preimplantation genetic diagnosis (PGD) allows for the screening of embryos to ensure they do not carry the genetic disorder. Other treatments, such as gene therapy, may become available in the future. It is crucial to stay informed of any new developments in treatments and therapies.

    Consider Other Options

    A Black woman and a white woman hold their adopted child of asian descent. Photo via Adobe express.

    While having biological children may be the first choice for many couples, it is important to consider other options. Adoption is a wonderful way to build a family and provides a loving home to a child in need. Embryo screening is also an option that allows couples to select embryos that do not carry the genetic disorder.

    Seek Support From Friends and Family

    Family planning can be an overwhelming time, particularly when there is a genetic disorder involved. It’s normal to feel stressed, scared, and anxious about the future. Seeking support from friends and family who can offer emotional support can help ease some of the burden. Additionally, joining support groups can provide a safe space to share concerns and ask questions while connecting with others facing similar challenges.

    Consider Moving to a Larger Home

    Couple speaking against pile of boxes in new house.
Photo by SHVETS production: https://www.pexels.com/photo/couple-speaking-against-pile-of-boxes-in-new-house-7203721/

    It’s crucial to make sure you have enough room for your new, bigger family. If your current living arrangements are too small, consider whether you’re able to move to a larger home or apartment before starting your family. Check local listings to find a suitable and affordable place that meets your space requirements before you expand your family. This will set yourself up for success in your family planning journey.

    And if you have chronic pain as part of your genetic disorder, check out the Top 15 Things That Help Chronic Pain Patients Around The House and the Holiday Gift Guide for Chronic Pain. It’s full of stuff to help make your move–and pregnancy!– a little less painful.

    Prepare for Pregnancy and Postpartum

    Picture of a pregnant woman's torso with belly exposed, line going from stomach to a graphic of a DNA double helix. Picture via adobe express.

    If you decide to have a child, it is important to know what to expect throughout pregnancy and postpartum. For women with genetic disorders, there may be additional risks associated with pregnancy. It is important to work closely with your doctor and receive regular prenatal care. Postpartum depression is also a common concern for new parents, particularly those with a genetic disorder. Speak with your doctor about potential treatment options.

    Family Planning With Genetic Disorders: Complex, Challenging, but You Can Do It!

    Family planning can be an overwhelming process when dealing with genetic disorders. However, it is possible to navigate this journey successfully with proper planning and support. Working with a genetic counselor, finding affordable health insurance, and exploring options for a larger home are just a few of the important steps to take when planning a family with genetic disorders.

    Don’t forget to save these “Family Planning With Genetic Disorders” pins so you remember this info is here!

    "Family planning with genetic disorders" and "janetjay.com" on sheets of paper in front of six polaroids of different types of families and children
    "Family planning with genetic disorders" and "janetjay.com" on an abstract  background of teal and grey splotches, with a cartoon of a man and woman on a couch surrounded by hearts. Art by Storyset.

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    Best Inspiring Quotes About Invisible Illness

    A B&W line drawing of a woman with her hair in a bun sitting cross-legged reading a book, text reads "inspiring quotes about invisible illness, janetjay.com "

    Quotes about invisible illness are too often filled with sappy, inspirational cliches, IMO. But that doesn’t change the need that people with chronic pain and invisible disabilities have for guidance, understanding and truth.

    Quotes about invisible illness– why exactly? Because it’s invisible.

    Three people with their arms raised. one in a wheelchair, one in a sari, one with a leg prosthetic, carrying flags, text reads "janetjay.com, Your top Qs answered about invisible disabilities, chronic pain, mental health, and disability pride month"
    Questions about invisible disabilities? Check out this piece on Disability Pride Month!

    August is Pain Awareness Month, so I wanted to bring attention to the conditions that nobody can see. Starting in my teens I experienced chronic pain seemingly without any cause or explanation, and although I looked completely “normal” it changed every aspect of my existence. In the two decades since I’ve managed to build a life and become a person I’m proud of. During that struggle, I’ve collected a few quotes about invisible illness (and pain, hope, and joy) that really speak to me.

    Some of these quotes are from people who experience(d) invisible, chronic pain, like Anne Reeve Aldrich and Elizabeth Taylor. (And check out my profile on Selma Blair for another chronic illness badass!) Others, like the quotes from Dostoyevsky, Kahlil Gibran, and the Greek stoic Seneca illustrate the wisdom that can come from the loneliness, suffering and struggle our medical conditions (and their consequences) cause. Finally, there’s hope, which is absolutely vital for anyone with health struggles… or struggles in general. Check out the quotes from Joseph Campbell, Alfred Lord Tennyson, Frederick Buechner and Barbara De Angelis for meditations on how to keep hope alive.

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    Chronic pain & trouble sleeping: a sleep routine may be your cure for insomnia

    Cartoon in blue shades of a woman lying on her stomach in bed, looking at a clock reading "2:58 with a tired grumpy look with text around her reading "chronic pain and trouble sleeping: a sleep routine may be your cure for insomnia, janetjay.com Cartoon in blue shades of a woman lying on her stomach in bed, looking at a clock reading "2:58 with a tired grumpy look with text around her reading "chronic pain and trouble sleeping: a sleep routine may be your cure for insomnia, janetjay.com
    Want to develop better sleep hygiene habits? For a limited time you can download 3 sleep routine printables for FREE to help you figure out the best strategies to get you snoozing.

    A sleep routine (aka “sleep hygiene): if you have chronic pain, anxiety, ADHD and insomnia (or any combo thereof), like I do, this simple process might just be the “cure” for insomnia you’ve been seeking. “Sleep hygiene” is the process of creating an environment that can help you fall asleep and stay asleep. Here are a few things that might be keeping you up, especially if you have chronic pain or mental health issues, and some strategies you can use to combat them. (Including a pack of free bedtime routine printables!)

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    How To: Dating With Chronic Pain or Dating With Invisible Disabilities

    On a background of red and black hearts, image of two phones side by side illustrating dating, the left with a man and a heart and the right a woman with two smiley faces, looking towards each other. Text reads "dating with chronic pain and invisible disabilities, janetjay.com"

    Dating with chronic pain is tough, especially if there’s nothing visible about your condition. Finding someone using dating dating apps like Hinge or Tinder is hard to begin with, but dating with invisible disabilities adds a whole other level of difficulty.

    In some ways using those apps would be easier if I was visibly disabled and used a wheelchair or crutches. It would at least be simpler than trying to put together a profile when I’m dating with chronic pain and dating with invisible disabilities like fibromyalgia, migraine disease, back pain, joint pain, nerve pain, and mental health issues (that’s what I’m dealing with)! But it also applies to a wide range of other issues like EDS, POTS, arthritis, Crohn’s, lupus, other autoimmune disorders, and/or any disability where you look like everyone else.

    Most of the time you wouldn’t know I’m in pain, even though I always am. But it hugely affects my life, and it’s important that anybody I have as a partner be aware of it and OK with it. No, actually, it’s important that anybody I have as a partner be supportive, empathetic and caring about it.

    But how do you find that person through the hellscape that is modern dating apps? If you’re dating with chronic pain or dating with invisible disabilities, consider the following before writing your profile.

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